Pre Wedding Machinations
by Draegoness
Summary: [Three Part Poem] Mischevious machinations and bashed by the bride! Kicked across the room and still he survives! What will happen to Daxter next? [Final chapter: Somebody's Funeral]
1. Pre Wedding Machinations

**A/N: **Inspired by all those lovely romance fics with strange pairings. Of course, this has nothing to do with romance, but gave me a nice setting! The girls are getting ready for a wedding in the bedroom, while Daxter gets… curious.

**Pre-Wedding Giggles**

Tip, toe, across the floor,  
Pit, pat, across the mat.  
Click, swish, through the door,  
Chit, chat, there they sat!

Ball of fur in the corridor,  
Eyeing all the maids.  
Orange spy, seeking more,  
Prepares his silent raid.

Tip, toe, across the floor,  
Unnoticed as he went.  
Visual feast, wanting more,  
A bounty, heaven sent!

Many girls across the dorm,  
Fitting in their gowns.  
Many hands on many forms,  
His little heart does pound!

An urge to leap upon a chair,  
An urge to just be seen!  
Inside, he truly wants to share,  
The fact that he is keen!

Alas, too late! He doesn't see,  
"A rat!" a girl does cry.  
Behind, a foot of deadly speed,  
Then, meets with his behind.

Confusion soon erupts as all  
The maidens watch in shock,  
An orange blur punctures the wall,  
Lands bruised, upon a bunk.

"Hey, babes…" came a slurred reply,  
As ladies gathered 'round.  
The Ottsel winked an injured eye,  
Oh, heaven, he had found!

**Fin!**

**A/N: **I thought I'd just leave the couple-to-be up to you. Please review! And if you'd like, tell me whose wedding you'd like this to be. I'm curious…


	2. Bride of Wrath!

**A/N:** Hey, look! A poem with another chapter! Hm… My very first non-one shot is a poem thingy? Ok, then. Well, this one's a little longer than the first chapter and written a little differently, which a lot of people seem to enjoy. And thank you to **EJ Amber** for giving me the idea!

**Warning:** Almost violence.

**Bride of Wrath!**

In came the bride with great distress, to find a most unwelcome guest.

Upon the bed did she spy, an Ottsel with an injured eye! But was that why she was upset? Oh, no! Oh, Haven, she did fret with passion t'wards the fuzzy lump, the very creature she had dumped!

"What _are_ you doing here? Get out!" The blonde proceeded to then shout at the pathetic ball of fur, who sat beaten before her.

"But Tessy-kins," the battered begged, kneeling upon shattered legs, "Don't you want me anymore?"

"Of course not, you are such a bore!"

"What?" The Ottsel did exclaim, trying so to hide his pain. His Tessy-kins! His only one! "Why, oh, why, my Honey-bun?"

"Don't call me that, you little rat!" His not-so-dearest cruelly spat. "You want to know? Well, fine," she stated, seeming now quite irritated.

Tess then proceeded to recite the reasons why she felt such spite towards her former 'other half', managing a bemused laugh.

"You talk and talk, you never stop! And did the idea ever pop into your mind that I may want to have a man that's fit to flaunt? And here you are, a spying sneak, hoping you could snag a peek at these girls as they get dressed? A scoundrel and a flirting pest! I had no security with such a lack of purity! Did you think that I could ever trust a guy that ogles every bust?"

"Please Tess, please," the desperate pleaded, unwilling to stand down defeated. "You can't pick him! He's my best friend!"

"And I chose better in the end!"

With that the bride had turned away, from empty room and ex in pain.

The Ottsel stared wide eyed at her, afraid she'd disappear. A thousand thoughts of her with _him _had stirred up quite a fear. So he acted, quite ad-hoc, even to his own surprise. He whistled at her booty, and was met with angry eyes.

"Uh, oh…"

She was truly mad, ire in her step. Soon the method he had used, the Ottsel would regret.

"Uh… I'm sorry," the fuzz ball did squeak, but Tess was not deterred.

A mighty hand was prepped to meet a small face, thickly furred!

**To be continued…**

**Draegoness:** Okay, some people will be kinda upset by this, but don't worry! There will be another chapter/poem to resolve this whole thing. And Tess didn't actually _hit_ Daxter, she was _preparing_ to. Ooh, cliffy! (Can a poem have a cliffy?)

Questions will be answered, like… Where did all the girls go? How can Daxter bare to kneel on shattered knees? Why is Tess with Jak? Will Tess actually hit him? And yes, even why the format has changed! (Maybe I'm building this up just a little too much…)

Please review and tell me what you think!


	3. Somebody's Funeral

**A/N: **_Hello, hello!_ First off, thank you all so much for reviewing! Now, I've finally gotten off my fat… sofa to write the last instalment, just for you. I hope it lives up to everyone's expectaions!Enjoy!

**Somebody's Funeral**

A sudden pain as he awakes  
To ladies gathering.  
No sense could the Ottsel make  
To why his ears did ring.

"You've killed him! Oh, my Mar!"  
"No, I didn't mean to, I…"  
"He _did_ travel pretty far!"  
"Did you see him _fly_?"

Confused, the orange ball sat up  
Not knowing where he was.  
A lady handed him a cup,  
While making quite a fuss.

"I'm sorry," the girl did exclaim,  
Her voice so filled with fear,  
Towards the injured, quite in pain.  
She shed a silent tear.

"Oh, come on now," he then replied,  
Now getting to his feet.  
"I'm fine, no sweat! (Just please don't cry…)"  
He mumbled through his teeth.

A dream, the orange one did muse,  
A nightmare, he corrected,  
Now, no longer so confused.  
He'd never be rejected…

Perhaps a sign, he wondered.  
Perhaps, time to repent?  
The Ottsel now did ponder  
On what the dream had meant.

How terrible and real it felt,  
The strike that never came.  
It was this girl, who knelt,  
Beside him, dealt him all the pain.

The lass then gave a little grin.  
"You're lucky he's alive!"  
The older lady did begin,  
With anger in her eyes.

"The ceremony will start soon,  
"We need to act right now!  
"Quickly, get him to his room!"  
She ordered with a frown.

"We need the best man prepped, ok?  
"Do _something_ with that eye!  
"If Tess finds out about today…"  
"One of us will die!"

The girl obeyed and left with haste,  
One battered, in her care.  
She surely did not want to taste  
The fury Tess would share!

Indeed, the little maid of honour,  
Sweet as she may be,  
Could unleash many horrors  
To defend her poor baby!

The orange one was rushed away,  
Still in quite a daze.  
Closed his eyes as he did sway  
Into a dreamy haze…

Snuggled up against her breast,  
The furry one did sleep  
Welcoming much needed rest  
During this retreat.

Alas, the young girl noticed not,  
And eased into a run  
She just had to fix him up  
To hide what she had done!

Pitter-patter, oh, so light  
Around the corner came.  
The girl was greeted with a sight  
That almost made her scream.

"Oh my gosh! My baby!"  
Tess ran towards the two.  
And the poor lass hoped, just maybe,  
She wouldn't see the bruise.

**The End**

**Draegoness:** I know, I know. A little anticlimactic, but I try my best. Ha, ha! No Jak and Tess pairing in my stories! Tess and Dax Just belong together! -cough-profile-cough- I'm glad to see that you know exactly who I'm talking about without me ever mentioning Jak or Daxter's name in the main text. Did anyone even notice that?

Anyway, Dax's the best man and Tess is the maid of honour. Yep, there's a wedding and I think you can guess who the lucky two are. -wink-wink-

So, was it good? Was it bad? Should I write more of these? Please review and tell me what you think!


End file.
